Thursday, June 20, 2013

Chapter 106 - June 11, 2013

Hi everybody. Welcome to day 1201, four hours, six seconds, but who's really counting. Anyway, my friend here was reading my last blog. I mentioned the word "tired." Man, at the end of the day, I get so tired. You know, the thing that makes you the most tired is just talking to people. When you're like this, you'll find it affects people differently. So just talking makes me real tired.

I guess I'll benchmark where I am at the moment. It really helps to look back and, who knows, it might help someone who's going through something similar. You know, that's why I do this blog. It's to help anyone that might be like me. Right now, I'm starting to walk with a bracing and the Up & Go. I still need assistance, but I'm getting better at walking. I think I mentioned this before. I'm feeding myself with 2 hands. My eyesight is still double, but it's getting better. I mentioned all this before, but it's good to benchmark where I'm at. At the end of the day, I still get little, I call them "mini moments." I get real tired, but as time goes on, this gets better. I'm gonna tell a few stories because it really helps me remember things. You know, I've been on my back so long, it's good to think about what I've gone through in the past. Some things I can't tell, because I don't want to freak my friend out right here. She has 2 boys. I did some pretty crazy stuff when I was young.

When I was living in Australia I felt compelled to, well, let's say, have a laugh. for example, when my friend was shooting on the beach in front of me, I'd break out my 6 foot long mirror and just as he was about to take a light meter reading, I would reflect it with sunlight. It drove him crazy, but I did have a good laugh. Another time, I took the skin of mulch huntsman spider. It's about the size of my hand, and I put it in the film case. I told my assistant to get some more film. He screamed like an old lady. I got him pretty good. I would do stuff like this to pass the time. One of my favorite things to do was to make my assistant wear a fart machine. When he'd lean over to get some film, I'd activate it. It was very amusing. I could go on and on, but I'll talk about some other things. Mom, if you're reading this blog, you might want to stop here. I'm gonna talk about some really gross things.

One time I had a rabbit named Andrew. I think I talked about Andrew before. It's a few blogs back. Andrew was a great pet, but a little wild. One day I called him and he didn't answer. he didn't come to me. I started looking for him, calling out, "Andrew, Andrew where are you?" I walked into my roommates room and I saw Andrew's legs sticking out from beneath the bed. He was convulsing. I grabbed him by the legs and pulled him out. A red satin rabbit is big. Anyway, I cradled him in my arms. He was continuing to convulse. I was saying "Andrew, Andrew, what's wrong?" and I noticed he had a little string coming out of his mouth. He couldn't breath, so I pulled the string. What was on the end of the string? A used tampon. He started breathing, shook his head and ran away leaving me standing there holding a used tampon. I guess my roommate brought some girl home and she just chucked it under the bed. How charming. Anyway, I nailed it to the door by the string with a note saying, "you hang out with some really classy girls. You almost killed Andrew." Well I guess I started a bit of an argument because the girl was my other roommate's sister.

Another gross story took place when I was in college. I was dating this girl. I really liked her. She was cool. We were sitting on the bed. We had just met and we were talking and then I went in for the kiss. She closed her eyes and got closer and then she vomited all over my face. All down my shirt. It was a mess. Then she went for round two. Picked up one of my boots and threw  up in the boot. How lovely. She was actually a nice girl. Maybe too many shots.

Another gross story was when I was a kid. My friend had a pet monkey named George. Anyway, one time George sat on my head. I thought, how cool, George is sitting on my head. Well, George peed all over my head. I said, George, get off me that's gross. I threw him into the curtains. Well, George didn't like that so George shit in his hand and threw it at me. I dove for the floor. I yelled at him "bad monkey" so what did George do? He started beating off. What a lovely creature. Anyway, my friend's father left the window open by "mistake" and George got out to explore the great outdoors. Never mind that it was February in upstate NY. We never did see George again.

I'll go back to Australia. I just remembered a story I forgot to tell you. One day I was driving home, I guess I pissed someone off. I must have cut someone off or something because in the morning I went to get my car and on the hood, someone used a screw driver to carve in the letters CUNT. I thought, oh man, this is really not good because I had to go pick up my client at the airport. Well, I went to go pick up my client. She was there. She got in the car, I drove off, we didn't say a word to each other. She looked at the hood, she saw the letters. She said, "Brian, is that for me?" I said, "I didn't even see that!" Actually, Australia was really cool. I've got countless great stories. I wish I could go back there. It's a great place. If you guys ever get a chance to go there, don't pass it up.

I'd like to say Hi to all my old friends there. I miss them as well. That's about it for this week. My friend here will include some more drawings I did. You know, I used to keep journals in cartoon form. I'll talk to you next week. Love, B. Nice

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Brian for getting a kick out of my reactions when reading this.