Sunday, November 17, 2013

Chapter 118 - Sunday, November 17, 2013

Hi everybody. My friend here came over to visit so I thought, what the hell, let's do a blog. You know this blog is about the past. I often would think about the past when I was in a bad way. I would often think about stories that happened to me. For example, here's a story about Thanksgiving. I thought I'd do this because Thanksgiving is coming up. My friend in western Australia might remember this one.

I used to live in a suburb of Sydney called Manly. Anyway, the week before Thanksgiving I had a small dinner party. In my drunken stupor I promised my friends I'd have a Thanksgiving dinner. Most Australians didn't know what Thanksgiving was. Anyway, as I woke the next day I remembered I promised I'd make a Thanksgiving dinner. I don't like to go back on my promises so I set out to start my Thanksgiving dinner. But man, in the late '80's it was next to impossible to find a turkey in Sydney. I looked everywhere. I couldn't find a bloody turkey, so I called the US Consulate. They said, "Oy mate, we ordered too many turkeys. There's one extra one in Double Bay if you want to go get that one." I went to the butcher shop. I said, I was there to get the turkey for the US Embassy. I was standing there and I heard a squeaking noise and the sound of a big cooler door opening and closing. The squeaking noise got louder and louder as it got to me. I looked over to my left and it looked like a huge Emu was on a dolly. I said, "That's a turkey?" He said, "Yeah mate. Here's one turkey for you." The thing was huge. It also cost me about $250. Anyway, I managed to get it into my small car. Got it home, looked at the bird and the oven and thought Oh my God. No way is it going to fit. Well, I tied up the legs, took all of the racks out of the oven, got a few bricks, put it in the oven on a tray. The oven wouldn't shut so I went out and bought some tin foil. I roped the door shut and wrapped the whole oven in tin foil. My friends came over and we did something unusual. We started drinking. It was about 6:00 pm. We drank until the bird was done, which was about 2:00 am. Hell, we were so drunk our shoes would have even tasted good. Anyway, we served up the bird and it wasn't bad. I still say it was an emu. Anyway, after we finished what we could, my friends left and I threw the carcass out into the trash. I woke up at about 4:00 am to a bunch of noise. There were tree kangaroos fighting over the turkey carcass. I couldn't really see them so I tried to look out the bedroom window with my hands up against the glass. I heard a noise and I looked up and there was a tree kangaroo against the glass looking at me. I screamed and fell back against the bed. The tree kangaroo screamed and fell out of the tree. The rest of the tree kangaroos grabbed what was left of our Thanksgiving dinner and ran into the woods.

OK, so I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here. I don't know what made me remember this, but I'll tell you anyway. Maybe it was because my niece had a big send off this weekend, a sendoff for her soccer game. Her team made the finals in the State Tournament. Anyway, way back in the day, I was a pretty good cross country runner. Our team made it to the State finals in Upstate New York. We got there early and started to run the course. A cold front came through and it got really cold. Our coach said we had to wear nylons to stay warm during the race. So after dinner we went to the local Seven Eleven. So imagine this, there were about 6 of us. We went to the counter with a case of cheap beer, six pairs of pantyhose. 3 cherry flavor chapsticks, also a cassette of Led Zeppelin, and that's it. We didn't say anything but just looked at the guy. The guy looked at us and that was that. Anyway, this is B. Nice signing off. I hope you all have a good Thanksgiving. Talk to you later. Love, B. Nice

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