You kill like an American. That's what our driver said to me as we were playing a video game. I was on a shoot for Elle Quebec in Tunisia many years ago. He said, "Are you sure you're not American?" I said, "No mate. I live in Australia. North Bondi. On Ram's Gate Avenue. That's next to Speedo's Cafe." I would tell people I was Australian, not American. Americans weren't very popular in Tunisia. It's sad to tell people that you're not from America but it would avoid a lot of conflict. It was a good shoot, and the country is beautiful - O.K. I'm going to go off on a little tangent right now. I just remembered something. I was in my room in Tunisia and one of the models called me. She wanted to buy a carpet and wanted me to go along. I said sure, let's go. So we went to the Bazaar to buy a carpet. While we were there, while she was looking at the carpets, I noticed the owner was really staring at her. He said, "You're wife is beautiful." My first mistake was I said that's not my wife. He said, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. You're girlfriend is beautiful." My second mistake was I said that's not my girlfriend. And then he said, "Who is that then?" I said, that's my friend. And he said, I want to buy her. And I was intrigued. I said really? What would I get for her. He offered me some camels, some goats and some sheep. I don't remember the amount. I said to my friend, Hey, I can get some camels and some goats in exchange for you. Do you mind? She was pissed off. I was laughing, but she was really angry. I decided we better go so I said to him, Sir, we respectfully decline your offer because I don't think I could get the livestock through customs. And we hurried out the door.
Now I'm going to tell you another story. As if you have to guess, I like telling stories. Anyway, we're going to go back to where I lived, Australia. I was windsurfing just south of Sydney. I was practicing my water starts in the waves. I was spending a lot of time in the water. My friends were up on a sand dune overlooking the surf and watching me. All of a sudden, they start screaming, "Get out of the Water B. Get out of the water. Look!" and I looked past the breaking waves and I saw a big V like a big wake coming towards me. It was moving real fast. It went through the first set of waves and was coming right towards me. I ditched my board and my sail and I started running through the water as fast as I could. I looked over my shoulder and the V wake was coming right towards me. I screamed and fell on the sand. I looked up again and it was coming right towards me. As it approached me, I held up my arms and screamed and just then, a bunch of fairy penguins came out of the water and landed right next to me. My friends were laughing their asses off. They were laughing so hard they fell down. They were laughing as the penguins were shaking their wings and their heads, shaking all the water off of them. They walked away talking. I proceeded to check my shorts.
We were always playing tricks on each other. It was a fun place to go when you weren't working. Good windsurfing. Anyway. That's my story. I would think about moments like this when I was really in a bad way. It would help me get through the tough stuff.
What made me really happy the other day was I got an email saying this blog was helping a fellow brain surgery survivor. It's good to know this blog is actually helping someone. It made me very happy. If this can help anyone, it would be great. Remember, there's no magic pill or therapy that would help, but just the smallest thing will make a difference. I used to ask my therapist if they brought their magic wand and I'd say, "Did you bring your magic wand, you know the one you wave over me to make me better, Ha." If only things were that simple.
I said this before, but I'll say it again. I really believe that everything I experienced before this event, helped me get through this event. I had a remarkable life. You know, I survived dive accidents, plane accidents, I was held up by machine guns in New Caledonia, I was in earthquakes. I was chased by warriors who wanted to kill me. I was married twice, and divorced twice. (The divorce lawyers were worse than the warriors - ha ha ha.) The point is, I've gone through a lot in my life, so when it was time to possibly move on, I wasn't so scared. But, you know I would always think about the positive things I've gone through, like seeing the birth of my daughter, building my dream house, running across America. Things like that. When you're lying on your back for a couple of years, you gotta stay positive.
This week has been full of ups and downs. Like the past two days, they've been really rough. But I do have moments of clarity. I think the body is just waking up. Any change is welcome because, as long as you're changing, I think you're moving forward. Any change is a good. Gotta stay positive. Anyway, I'll talk to you guys next week. Love, B. Nice
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Chapter 45 - April 17, 2012
From first class, they would not have let her pass. Get out of the way, I don't care, my friend is back there, she said in a heavy french accent. She had 2 ice cream sundaes and a bottle of champagne.
A few years ago, I was catching a flight from Paris to New York. As I was boarding the flight, I went through first class and I saw a model I worked with in Mystique. We had done a shoot for British Elle together. She was at the time one of the top models in the world. A real beautiful girl. She was basically a real Lolita. A young girl in a young woman's body. She had no idea what she did to men. Either she had no idea or she didn't care. Either way, it was always amusing. I once saw a pilot almost crash his plane into a fuel tank as he was taxiing his aircraft to the hanger. He saw her and couldn't take his eyes off of her. Almost blew up the whole damn airplane. She was sitting there in her midriff top, her mini skirt, her little white socks and her black patent leather high healed shoes, saying, "What did I do?" I just rolled my eyes. I'm sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent there. Going back to the flight, shortly after take off, I heard a commotion, remember this was way before September 11. Anyway, I heard a commotion in first class. I look up and my friend had 2 ice cream sundaes and a bottle of champagne. She pushed past the flight attendant, by the way, who had a huge stick up her ass and a big chip on her shoulder. She pushed past her to come back to see me. There was an empty seat next to me so she sat down with me in cattle class. It was a good flight. And, by the way, apparently ice cream and champagne will make the flight a lot easier. That and a good friend to talk to.
Anyway, that was then. And now, I can tell what an ant feels like in honey. I'm a mess. It's moments like when I met my friend that I would try to remember to get me through the hard times. You see, now I'm trying to do a lot of things on my own. I'm so tired of my Aides helping me get dressed, eat, etc. I tried to remove my covers this morning. They felt like lead. It was hard to move, but I keep trying. It's important to keep working.
One thing I forgot to mention was the fact that I took a swallow test the other day. They basically test you to make sure you're not aspirating, which is swallowing liquid into your lungs. They do the test with an x-ray machine. It's a complicated test, but I passed, and I'm cleared to drink something as simple as water. That's a big victory for me. And makes me very very happy. I can have my coffee in the morning without bananas. I never appreciated the simple things like drinking a glass of water, but when it's taken from you, believe me, you appreciate it when you get it back.
Speaking of appreciation, I appreciate doing this blog with my friend. She said I'm speaking faster so it's harder to keep up with me doing her typing. That's also progress. I guess it's kind of like therapy, too. I also appreciate doing artwork with my father. It's fun to do art. I'll include some of it at the end this blog to show you. I also appreciate cooking with my mother. We spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I really can't cook, but I can be the sous-chef, ha ha. One of my favorite things to do is make bread. I can knead the dough. It's really good for me.
This week has been full of ups and downs. What else is new? Well, for one thing, I went to a class with my computer. It was a communication device. It basically gave me a mini seizure, or an aura. It kind of set me back a few days. After you have something like this, an aura, you get really tired. It really wipes you out. But I carry on and do therapy as best I can. I spoke to my neurologist again, and he said the same thing. You see, I'm special. My situation is so rare, there is no benchmark. Like I said before, I just suck it up and carry on with therapy.
The weather has been amazing. And my parents finished their porch. It's great for walking. You see, I have a device called an "Up and Go." It helps me to walk. It's great to try and take little walks on the porch. I used to dream of days like today when I was in intensive care. I wish I could package the day and open it up later in February, ha. Walking on the porch and doing water therapy have been huge huge steps forward for me. The water therapy has been amazing. They basically teach you how to walk in water. It feels great.
Well, that's about it for now. Remember, if you're worried about relationships, money, work, you know, all that stuff, if all that worries you, just go and have brain surgery twice. It'll get your mind off of all your worries. No pun intended. That's all for now. I'll blog with you guys next week. Love, B. Nice
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Chapter 44 - April 10, 2012
Shake you bastard. Shake. That's what my little dog would think as he looked up at me from my wheelchair. He would eat all the food I would drop when I had dinner. We should have named him Mr. Crumbs. He keeps the floor clean. Never a dull moment. That's for sure. You see, there's a Yin and a Yang for everything in life. The more I shake, the fatter my dog gets. The less I shake, the skinnier he gets. You see, my dog is getting skinny. Yes, my shaking has decreased. They call it ataxia. It came from either the injury or the operation. All I care is that it's diminishing. It's a relief not to stab yourself in the face with your own fork when you try to eat. I can eat like a normal person now. A big victory.
I spoke to my neurologist about this and a few other things last week. I was concerned about something else. He said to me, "Brian, your case is so rare and unique, there is no benchmark. The only advise I have to give you right now is remain optimistic and keep doing therapy." I wasn't sure how to take that advise. Was it good news or bad news. I finally concluded, Oh, it's good news, because I can make my own destiny up. So I remain optimistic and I work hard to get better.
Happy Easter everybody. It was Easter this past Sunday. What a great day. I had a great day with my family, though I missed my little one. It reminded me of another great day I had in the past. I was on a photo shoot during Easter. We were all bored so we went to the local thrift store to buy an Easter outfit. We allocated $25 per person to buy an outfit. It was fun. We all looked great. Even the maitre'd of the restaurant said we looked great and then he asked what theatre are you with. The assistant stylist, he looked particularly good. He looked like a '70's movie star. Man, that guy knew how to style. Though I think he spent more than $25. It was a fun night.
Oh, I just remembered something. It was a flashback, a dream I had when I was in intensive care. It's important to maintain a good imagination. A good imagination as well as being fit really helped save me. A good imagination can really help you. And music. If you can listen to music. It's important, and now to the flashback I had. Very brief but important
This week, not much happened. I went to a funeral this past week. It was the father of a good friend. I didn't know him well, but I was thinking why does it take something like this to realize how cool someone is? You see, I read his obituary and he was a cool guy. Anyway, I guess you should really know your friends as well as you can. As I was sitting there, during the service, oh, by the way, it was a beautiful day, while I was sitting there, I looked around and I realized, hey, I've been here before. And I realized I was there many years ago. You see, the first girl I ever had a crush on and dated briefly, we had to bury there. She was cool as well. I lost three friends that day. They had been drinking. What a waste. I often wonder whatever happened to her little sister, cause she definitely didn't want to say goodbye. Anyway, you know what? We all catch that bus. Hell, I almost caught that bus several times. We all catch that bus, but we're never quite ready when it happens, even when we think we will be ready.
On the way there, to the cemetery, we went past another old girlfriend's house. I kind of got a chuckle, because I remembered she used to like to make out in her dad's office. He was a full colonel, he had a nickle plated .45 on his desk as a paperweight. It was loaded with one bullet in the chamber, safety on, ready to go. We'd be making out and I'd have one eye on her and one eye on the gun. And a third eye on the door! I think she went out with me just to piss off her dad.
Anyway, my friend here has to go, so I'll see you next week everyone. B. Nice.
I spoke to my neurologist about this and a few other things last week. I was concerned about something else. He said to me, "Brian, your case is so rare and unique, there is no benchmark. The only advise I have to give you right now is remain optimistic and keep doing therapy." I wasn't sure how to take that advise. Was it good news or bad news. I finally concluded, Oh, it's good news, because I can make my own destiny up. So I remain optimistic and I work hard to get better.
Happy Easter everybody. It was Easter this past Sunday. What a great day. I had a great day with my family, though I missed my little one. It reminded me of another great day I had in the past. I was on a photo shoot during Easter. We were all bored so we went to the local thrift store to buy an Easter outfit. We allocated $25 per person to buy an outfit. It was fun. We all looked great. Even the maitre'd of the restaurant said we looked great and then he asked what theatre are you with. The assistant stylist, he looked particularly good. He looked like a '70's movie star. Man, that guy knew how to style. Though I think he spent more than $25. It was a fun night.
Oh, I just remembered something. It was a flashback, a dream I had when I was in intensive care. It's important to maintain a good imagination. A good imagination as well as being fit really helped save me. A good imagination can really help you. And music. If you can listen to music. It's important, and now to the flashback I had. Very brief but important
This week, not much happened. I went to a funeral this past week. It was the father of a good friend. I didn't know him well, but I was thinking why does it take something like this to realize how cool someone is? You see, I read his obituary and he was a cool guy. Anyway, I guess you should really know your friends as well as you can. As I was sitting there, during the service, oh, by the way, it was a beautiful day, while I was sitting there, I looked around and I realized, hey, I've been here before. And I realized I was there many years ago. You see, the first girl I ever had a crush on and dated briefly, we had to bury there. She was cool as well. I lost three friends that day. They had been drinking. What a waste. I often wonder whatever happened to her little sister, cause she definitely didn't want to say goodbye. Anyway, you know what? We all catch that bus. Hell, I almost caught that bus several times. We all catch that bus, but we're never quite ready when it happens, even when we think we will be ready.
On the way there, to the cemetery, we went past another old girlfriend's house. I kind of got a chuckle, because I remembered she used to like to make out in her dad's office. He was a full colonel, he had a nickle plated .45 on his desk as a paperweight. It was loaded with one bullet in the chamber, safety on, ready to go. We'd be making out and I'd have one eye on her and one eye on the gun. And a third eye on the door! I think she went out with me just to piss off her dad.
Anyway, my friend here has to go, so I'll see you next week everyone. B. Nice.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Chapter 43 - March 27, 2012
My Aunt and Uncle win the prize for the best answer to my question. Yes, the device you see in the previous blog is worth every penny, every 500,000 pennies!
Imagine this, imagine you're in the Bahamas on a beautiful beach listening to reggae, drinking a beer, working. You're on your last photograph of the day. You get done with your shoot, give out a holler, "Yipee, we're done!" You throw down your sunglasses, your hat and your shirt, you hand the camera and beer to your assistant, kick off your flip flops and jump into the ocean. The water is super salty. You play in the waves for a while, come out, and the hair and make up artist pulls up a chair to give you a haircut. You grab a towel and a beer from your assistant and you get an awesome haircut on the beach. After you're done, you jump into the sea with the beer, of course, and you wash away all of the cut hair. You come out, towel off, put your shirt on and go off to have dinner, cause of course, you're shooting in front of your favorite restaurant and bar in the Bahamas. That was a good day at work for me when I was a fashion photographer. It's moments like this I would think about when I was in a bad way, going through what I'm going through.
The other thing I try to think about over and over again was one specific day I had with a friend. I was windsurfing in South Hampton NY. The moon was rising and the sun was setting. You would tack between a full moon rising and a sun setting. The wind was offshore so the waves were super clean. I was powered up on a 4.7 meter sail (which is small). And I was on my fiberglass wave board. It was a great day. I guess what I'm saying is, when you're going through crap like this, think about a good spot to be in, and try and stay in that spot. Just a little break will make a big difference.
Hi everybody. How is it going out there? My week has been up and down. I got another cold. It's in my chest, and man it's kicking my ass. I work through it but it's tough. I guess you gotta just work through it. Same old thing. I go to therapy all day. I've been doing water therapy. It's great. It's a good way to start walking again. I've been doing that and painting a lot with my father and cooking a lot with my mother. It's a good time.
What's also good is to have great friends come by. I've had many visitors and it's really good for the soul. Various people will help you out with different things. I've got a few irons in the fire, a few projects going on and they help me with these. It's good to have projects to stay busy. You'll find staying busy is so important. Do what you love to do. Speaking of doing what you love to do, I spoke to Chuck Close the artist the other day. I was inspired to call him because I saw his work at the Met in NYC. I went to the Met with my parents the other day. They both have helped me tremendously. They encourage me to keep going and take trips like this. It was a great distraction from my routine. It was tough but great. They have a new American Wing there. I recommend seeing it. The reason why I was inspired to call Chuck was, he always said, "Do what you love to do." He told me to keep the faith, keep going. That's why I do my photography projects. I'll keep you posted. I'll talk to you next week. Have a good one. Love, B. Nice.
P.S. Below you'll find some images I painted with my father who has helped me tremendously. I like them because a year ago I couldn't even move my left finger. I can't wait to see what next year brings. Happy Easter.
Imagine this, imagine you're in the Bahamas on a beautiful beach listening to reggae, drinking a beer, working. You're on your last photograph of the day. You get done with your shoot, give out a holler, "Yipee, we're done!" You throw down your sunglasses, your hat and your shirt, you hand the camera and beer to your assistant, kick off your flip flops and jump into the ocean. The water is super salty. You play in the waves for a while, come out, and the hair and make up artist pulls up a chair to give you a haircut. You grab a towel and a beer from your assistant and you get an awesome haircut on the beach. After you're done, you jump into the sea with the beer, of course, and you wash away all of the cut hair. You come out, towel off, put your shirt on and go off to have dinner, cause of course, you're shooting in front of your favorite restaurant and bar in the Bahamas. That was a good day at work for me when I was a fashion photographer. It's moments like this I would think about when I was in a bad way, going through what I'm going through.
The other thing I try to think about over and over again was one specific day I had with a friend. I was windsurfing in South Hampton NY. The moon was rising and the sun was setting. You would tack between a full moon rising and a sun setting. The wind was offshore so the waves were super clean. I was powered up on a 4.7 meter sail (which is small). And I was on my fiberglass wave board. It was a great day. I guess what I'm saying is, when you're going through crap like this, think about a good spot to be in, and try and stay in that spot. Just a little break will make a big difference.
Hi everybody. How is it going out there? My week has been up and down. I got another cold. It's in my chest, and man it's kicking my ass. I work through it but it's tough. I guess you gotta just work through it. Same old thing. I go to therapy all day. I've been doing water therapy. It's great. It's a good way to start walking again. I've been doing that and painting a lot with my father and cooking a lot with my mother. It's a good time.
What's also good is to have great friends come by. I've had many visitors and it's really good for the soul. Various people will help you out with different things. I've got a few irons in the fire, a few projects going on and they help me with these. It's good to have projects to stay busy. You'll find staying busy is so important. Do what you love to do. Speaking of doing what you love to do, I spoke to Chuck Close the artist the other day. I was inspired to call him because I saw his work at the Met in NYC. I went to the Met with my parents the other day. They both have helped me tremendously. They encourage me to keep going and take trips like this. It was a great distraction from my routine. It was tough but great. They have a new American Wing there. I recommend seeing it. The reason why I was inspired to call Chuck was, he always said, "Do what you love to do." He told me to keep the faith, keep going. That's why I do my photography projects. I'll keep you posted. I'll talk to you next week. Have a good one. Love, B. Nice.
P.S. Below you'll find some images I painted with my father who has helped me tremendously. I like them because a year ago I couldn't even move my left finger. I can't wait to see what next year brings. Happy Easter.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Chapter 42 - March 20, 2012
Happy Spring everybody! and happy birthday to my friend Tim who's out there somewhere!
OK, so I'm going to pull out my soap box and megaphone and I'm going to preach a little bit. This has to do with a flashback I had. It involves being at the rehabilitation hospital. You see, there were a lot of young kids who had been on their cell phone, either talking or texting. Now, I don't want to see any of you texting or using the phone while driving. I saw some pretty horrible stuff. There was one girl, you ready for this? This one girl, they had removed part of her skull and surgically put in her belly for safekeeping while they worked on her brain. I would have breakfast with her every morning. There was the same conversation over and over and over again. She had no memory. She was happy, but pretty messed up. That was from one cell phone call. You think it was worth it? I don't think so. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you. Don't get distracted while you're driving. Remember you are a glance away from disfigurement or death. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you. Don't get distracted and drive.
I had a nice dream the other night. I was sitting at a table. It was a simple wood kitchen table. The morning sunlight was streaming in through big windows. In the middle of the table was a glass of water and the sunlight was passing through it. Because of my condition, I was forced to sit there and stare at it. No matter what angle you looked at it, it was beautiful. It was beautiful and yet, if you were normal, and running out the door, you'd go right past it. I guess what I'm saying is my condition has forced me to slow down and really look at things, really appreciate.
The other thing I really appreciate as well is the fact that my daughter came to visit me. It really makes my month. It reminds me why I keep fighting to get normal. It was great to have her here. She's growing up and you can actually have a conversation with her now. She's 25. Just kidding. She's a little one. Anyway, it was great to have her here. Other than that, it's been the same old routine. Just working at getting better. I've been spending more time up in my sister's theraputic riding center. It's fairly ironic that she started a theraputic riding center right when I needed therapy. The horses are great for the soul. I'd like to just hang out with them. It's a great project she has. I wish I could help her more. When I get better, I'll try and help more. If there's anyone out there with some spare time (ha ha) or ideas, let me know. It's an hour from New York, and it's in a beautiful location.
My friend here just asked if I had taken pictures there, and no I haven't, but I plan on it. At the moment, they have a website. www.myfeettakewings.org If you have time, just google it.
My other project I've been working on is my cross country trip. I plan on going across America and doing landscapes. I'll show the world how I see things. It's pretty wild. I'll keep you posted. Oh yeah, a guy came with a van the other day, a demo. A van similar to the type I'd take across country. It was pretty exciting. I can't buy a home, but I can buy a car.
Other than the unusually hot days, the random forest fires, the wild bees, everything has been really normal. My friend here said I'm getting used to a normal life. I'll never get used to normal. Have a good week. All the best, B. Nice
P.S. I included a photo of me at therapy. How much do you think this piece of metal cost? Send me your guesses. You won't believe it when I tell you.
OK, so I'm going to pull out my soap box and megaphone and I'm going to preach a little bit. This has to do with a flashback I had. It involves being at the rehabilitation hospital. You see, there were a lot of young kids who had been on their cell phone, either talking or texting. Now, I don't want to see any of you texting or using the phone while driving. I saw some pretty horrible stuff. There was one girl, you ready for this? This one girl, they had removed part of her skull and surgically put in her belly for safekeeping while they worked on her brain. I would have breakfast with her every morning. There was the same conversation over and over and over again. She had no memory. She was happy, but pretty messed up. That was from one cell phone call. You think it was worth it? I don't think so. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you. Don't get distracted while you're driving. Remember you are a glance away from disfigurement or death. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you. Don't get distracted and drive.
I had a nice dream the other night. I was sitting at a table. It was a simple wood kitchen table. The morning sunlight was streaming in through big windows. In the middle of the table was a glass of water and the sunlight was passing through it. Because of my condition, I was forced to sit there and stare at it. No matter what angle you looked at it, it was beautiful. It was beautiful and yet, if you were normal, and running out the door, you'd go right past it. I guess what I'm saying is my condition has forced me to slow down and really look at things, really appreciate.
The other thing I really appreciate as well is the fact that my daughter came to visit me. It really makes my month. It reminds me why I keep fighting to get normal. It was great to have her here. She's growing up and you can actually have a conversation with her now. She's 25. Just kidding. She's a little one. Anyway, it was great to have her here. Other than that, it's been the same old routine. Just working at getting better. I've been spending more time up in my sister's theraputic riding center. It's fairly ironic that she started a theraputic riding center right when I needed therapy. The horses are great for the soul. I'd like to just hang out with them. It's a great project she has. I wish I could help her more. When I get better, I'll try and help more. If there's anyone out there with some spare time (ha ha) or ideas, let me know. It's an hour from New York, and it's in a beautiful location.
My friend here just asked if I had taken pictures there, and no I haven't, but I plan on it. At the moment, they have a website. www.myfeettakewings.org If you have time, just google it.
My other project I've been working on is my cross country trip. I plan on going across America and doing landscapes. I'll show the world how I see things. It's pretty wild. I'll keep you posted. Oh yeah, a guy came with a van the other day, a demo. A van similar to the type I'd take across country. It was pretty exciting. I can't buy a home, but I can buy a car.
Other than the unusually hot days, the random forest fires, the wild bees, everything has been really normal. My friend here said I'm getting used to a normal life. I'll never get used to normal. Have a good week. All the best, B. Nice
P.S. I included a photo of me at therapy. How much do you think this piece of metal cost? Send me your guesses. You won't believe it when I tell you.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Chapter 41 - March 6, 2012
Once upon a time, there was a prince that lived on a hill above the sea. One beautiful summer morning, he awoke and decided to check out the surf. He grabbed himself a coffee. He grabbed his dog and he walked down to the cliff to see the waves. On his way, he crossed a bridge, and on the bridge was a big green frog with a gold crown on her head. The green frog said, "Kiss me. I'll turn into a beautiful princess. We'll make love all night, get married, have a happy life together." He put the frog in his pocket and walked down to check out the waves. She said, "Hey, aren't you going to kiss me?" He took a sip of his coffee and he said, "Listen, after what I've gone through, and the condition I'm in right now, I'd rather have a talking frog." Oh yeah, and by the way, the surf was up. It was a good day.
Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I told you, but I'll share it anyway. I met my neuro surgeon the other week. After meeting with him, he put his pen down, pushed back from the desk and said, "Brian, you give me hope." That's cool. You see, when you're like this, all messed up, it helps to have positive reinforcement. For example, I had two friends come by last week. They hadn't been here for three months. They said they noticed positive and good improvement. I don't feel it, but they say they see a good difference. It's really encouraging. Although, one girl said I had a big belly. She even gave my belly a name. It was kind of cute. Weird but cute. Thank God she didn't see my belly six months ago. She would have given my belly a name and a zip code. It was big. When you're in the hospital, your body changes into some weird form. I looked like Golum in Lord of the Rings. They fed me thickener in my liquids to make it easier to swallow. The drawback was that the thickener was very starchy. It gave me a belly and stopped me up. So now I use a juicer and drinks like mango and peach. You know, stuff like that. It's all natural and good for me. Try banana juice in your coffee.
Speaking of thin liquids and swallowing, I'm going to a special class, one that teaches me how to swallow without aspirating. Aspirating is when liquid goes into your lungs. Anyway, they put electric charge on my neck, they put the charge on certain muscle groups. I've been taking the class for about a month now, three days out of the week. I notice a good improvement. It has helped me get better at swallowing things like coffee, water, you know, stuff like that. I highly recommend it. I'm not sure if it is therapy or torture. Either way, it works.
It's been fairly quiet this week. I continue to go to water therapy and do therapy at home. My days are long and tedious. It's the same thing over and over again. Wake up at 7. Have some breakfast. Use the bathroom. Then my therapist comes. I take a shower. Do therapy until noon. Have lunch. Take a nap. Do more therapy from 2 to 6. Have dinner. Go to bed. Really exciting. It's been like this for almost 3 years now, but I am getting better. I was thinking the other day, hell, I couldn't even move my finger. Now I'm feeding myself. It ain't pretty, but it works.
I uploaded a photo of me at therapy. It's pretty exciting to be able to walk again. It's no mile run or 10K run, but it sure feels good. I've been on my back for a long time. Feels good to stretch my legs again. I'll make it a short one this week. Have a good one. Love, B. Nice
Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I told you, but I'll share it anyway. I met my neuro surgeon the other week. After meeting with him, he put his pen down, pushed back from the desk and said, "Brian, you give me hope." That's cool. You see, when you're like this, all messed up, it helps to have positive reinforcement. For example, I had two friends come by last week. They hadn't been here for three months. They said they noticed positive and good improvement. I don't feel it, but they say they see a good difference. It's really encouraging. Although, one girl said I had a big belly. She even gave my belly a name. It was kind of cute. Weird but cute. Thank God she didn't see my belly six months ago. She would have given my belly a name and a zip code. It was big. When you're in the hospital, your body changes into some weird form. I looked like Golum in Lord of the Rings. They fed me thickener in my liquids to make it easier to swallow. The drawback was that the thickener was very starchy. It gave me a belly and stopped me up. So now I use a juicer and drinks like mango and peach. You know, stuff like that. It's all natural and good for me. Try banana juice in your coffee.
Speaking of thin liquids and swallowing, I'm going to a special class, one that teaches me how to swallow without aspirating. Aspirating is when liquid goes into your lungs. Anyway, they put electric charge on my neck, they put the charge on certain muscle groups. I've been taking the class for about a month now, three days out of the week. I notice a good improvement. It has helped me get better at swallowing things like coffee, water, you know, stuff like that. I highly recommend it. I'm not sure if it is therapy or torture. Either way, it works.
It's been fairly quiet this week. I continue to go to water therapy and do therapy at home. My days are long and tedious. It's the same thing over and over again. Wake up at 7. Have some breakfast. Use the bathroom. Then my therapist comes. I take a shower. Do therapy until noon. Have lunch. Take a nap. Do more therapy from 2 to 6. Have dinner. Go to bed. Really exciting. It's been like this for almost 3 years now, but I am getting better. I was thinking the other day, hell, I couldn't even move my finger. Now I'm feeding myself. It ain't pretty, but it works.
I uploaded a photo of me at therapy. It's pretty exciting to be able to walk again. It's no mile run or 10K run, but it sure feels good. I've been on my back for a long time. Feels good to stretch my legs again. I'll make it a short one this week. Have a good one. Love, B. Nice
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Chapter 40 - February 28, 2012
Hi everyone. The kindness of friends, strangers and family, that's what's really important right now. I had a friend visit for one week. She really helped my mom out. It made life so much easier. Little things like this will really help you. Anyway, thanks everyone for those who helped me help myself. I really appreciate it. It makes things a little easier. Thanks for the support.
You know, I never really talked about it at length before, but I think our caregivers don't get enough attention. Attention in many ways, both recognition and financially. It's a huge burden on them. They work really hard to take care of you. I mean, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them. You'll find you need a point person, someone that's kind of in charge. In my case, it's my mother. Whoever you choose, it's important to have a point person. I guess while I'm talking about a point person, I realize that I wish I had disability insurance, term life insurance and good health insurance. These are all things that everyone should have. Just an observation from my point of view. I'm not a doctor or anyone in the medical field, but I am someone that has been pretty messed up. Who knows, it might help someone out there.
I've been doing my water therapy. It's been great. I'm walking and running in the water. I remember my first surgery on my brain, it really helped me get to the next level of walking. You'll do water therapy and then water therapy with weights. You basically get more weight bearing loads on your arms and legs. It gets you ready for walking on land. It's a long drawn out process, but hey, I think I got the time. ha ha. I just remember to be very very patient.
Patience is a really important thing right now. I find myself to be very anxious. I'm in a hurry to get better. I guess there's no time limit. Who knows when I'll get better. My friend here said I get better every day. But, from my point of view it's not quick enough and I don't feel it. I just wish one morning I'll wake up and shake it off, "Man that was a drag, I think I'll go for a run or pick up my guitar and start playing again or go for a surf." Anyway, soon it will come. That's what they say, isn't it, Soon it will happen. I gotta keep up the faith and keep hope.
Oh, yeah, I just remembered I've been drawing a lot. I had a dream about drawing and it was very simple. I just drew circles and circles on paper, and then I did a wash of watercolor. You see, something as simple as this is very difficult. But, it's also very rewarding. Remember, life becomes therapy. Anything you do will advance you. It will make all the frustrating times more tolerable.
I have my mother bring me outside. I photographed a tree that had fallen over in a windstorm. Some landscapers cut it up into many pieces. I photographed it as it looked like a piece of art. It was really cool. I guess my point is, when you're like this, you tend to notice things in front of you. I guess it's 'cause you don't move for an hour, ha, you kind of just sit there and stare. The point is, you notice things more. You take the time to look at things. When you're normal, you might rush on to the store or an appointment. When you're like this, you're kind of forced to observe things. It's kind of a gift in a way. I never really thought about it before. Maybe it's a way of self-preserving oneself. Keeping yourself sane. Everyday things become beautiful. What do they say? Take time to smell the flowers. Anyway, remember to take time to appreciate things. I paid a heavy price to recognize this. But, you know, life is like this. I guess it takes being like this to make one recognize things. I appreciate things so much more now. My friend just said I'm just like a big girl crying at butterflies, how beautiful they are. It's true, I'm a big mush. Anyway, today has been a great day. Spring is finally here, it's nice out. A good day.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your day. See you next week. Love, B. Nice
You know, I never really talked about it at length before, but I think our caregivers don't get enough attention. Attention in many ways, both recognition and financially. It's a huge burden on them. They work really hard to take care of you. I mean, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them. You'll find you need a point person, someone that's kind of in charge. In my case, it's my mother. Whoever you choose, it's important to have a point person. I guess while I'm talking about a point person, I realize that I wish I had disability insurance, term life insurance and good health insurance. These are all things that everyone should have. Just an observation from my point of view. I'm not a doctor or anyone in the medical field, but I am someone that has been pretty messed up. Who knows, it might help someone out there.
I've been doing my water therapy. It's been great. I'm walking and running in the water. I remember my first surgery on my brain, it really helped me get to the next level of walking. You'll do water therapy and then water therapy with weights. You basically get more weight bearing loads on your arms and legs. It gets you ready for walking on land. It's a long drawn out process, but hey, I think I got the time. ha ha. I just remember to be very very patient.
Patience is a really important thing right now. I find myself to be very anxious. I'm in a hurry to get better. I guess there's no time limit. Who knows when I'll get better. My friend here said I get better every day. But, from my point of view it's not quick enough and I don't feel it. I just wish one morning I'll wake up and shake it off, "Man that was a drag, I think I'll go for a run or pick up my guitar and start playing again or go for a surf." Anyway, soon it will come. That's what they say, isn't it, Soon it will happen. I gotta keep up the faith and keep hope.
Oh, yeah, I just remembered I've been drawing a lot. I had a dream about drawing and it was very simple. I just drew circles and circles on paper, and then I did a wash of watercolor. You see, something as simple as this is very difficult. But, it's also very rewarding. Remember, life becomes therapy. Anything you do will advance you. It will make all the frustrating times more tolerable.
I have my mother bring me outside. I photographed a tree that had fallen over in a windstorm. Some landscapers cut it up into many pieces. I photographed it as it looked like a piece of art. It was really cool. I guess my point is, when you're like this, you tend to notice things in front of you. I guess it's 'cause you don't move for an hour, ha, you kind of just sit there and stare. The point is, you notice things more. You take the time to look at things. When you're normal, you might rush on to the store or an appointment. When you're like this, you're kind of forced to observe things. It's kind of a gift in a way. I never really thought about it before. Maybe it's a way of self-preserving oneself. Keeping yourself sane. Everyday things become beautiful. What do they say? Take time to smell the flowers. Anyway, remember to take time to appreciate things. I paid a heavy price to recognize this. But, you know, life is like this. I guess it takes being like this to make one recognize things. I appreciate things so much more now. My friend just said I'm just like a big girl crying at butterflies, how beautiful they are. It's true, I'm a big mush. Anyway, today has been a great day. Spring is finally here, it's nice out. A good day.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your day. See you next week. Love, B. Nice
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