Chapter 58 - July 10, 2012

When you have Traumatic Brain Injury, you spend a lot of time just sitting there, thinking.  Remember, don't think too much.  Anyway, I was in my parent's house sitting on the back patio when I noticed my little black puppy sitting in the garden.  He was about 30 feet from me.  I kept calling his name over and over again.  He just sat there.  I called him again and again.  He just sat there.  I threw a toy at him.  He just sat there.  Then I realized, it was my parent's black onyx sculpture of a cat.  I had been yelling at a black sculpture for 20 minutes.  I felt stupid.  I felt even more stupid when I looked over and saw my dog looking at me like, you young idiot.  I'm right here!

I would like to start out with a story.  There's a moral to this story.  Anyway, I was in the British Virgin Islands on a family vacation.  This is when I was young.  I wanted to go on a dive and they only had the afternoon of the next day to do a dive.  We went down to the dive center and they only had one dive available.  The dive available was a wreck dive.  Wreck of the Rhone.  It was 100 feet or so.  I had my dive license and I got certified in a swimming pool, 30 feet max.  I figured, eh, what's the difference?  30 feet, 100 feet.  Big deal, so I signed up for it.  I was way underqualified to go on this dive, plus I was alone.

The dive center said I needed to have a partner so they paired me up with a dive instructor.  I was to go with him.  We got to the site, took a small boat to the location.  It was real choppy, real windy.  Everyone was really anxious to go in.  The dive instructor yelled out, "All right, everyone get in.  The guy at the back of the boat by the engine, you go first."  He pointed at me.  I was nervous.  And he said, "Wait, hey you, wait for me when you get in."  It was all a bit disorganized.  Anyway, like the young idiot I was, I forgot to fill up my bouyancy vest and then I grabbed the weight belt next to me which belonged to probably a 300 pound man.  He yelled at me, "Hurry up!"  I just jumped in.  Next thing you know, there were bubbles all around me.  My ears were killing me.  So I held my nose to clear my ears (mind you this all happened in seconds).  Then my eyes started killing me.  The glass of the mask was against my face.  It hurt so much.  So what did I do?  Being the young idiot I was, I ripped off my mask.  Then I hit the bottom, 110 feet.  So, there I sat, 110 feet, no mask, thinking, OK, I'm dead.  But I didn't panic.  I held my nose and breathed out what little breath I had.  I took a little air from the tank. It was ok and then I took another.  Then I opened my eyes and looked around for my mask.  I found it eventually.  I put the mask on, cleared it, and then saw the instructor coming down the anchorline.  He grabbed me by the shoulders and he looked at me.  He gave me the universal, are you crazy?  We did the rest of the dive together.  Everyone kind of kept their distance from me.  Later, when I got on the boat, everyone was whispering and looking at me funny.  The dive instructor said, "Listen, you have mask-squeeze.  Your eyes look kind of funny.  I'm going to show you your eyes. Don't freak out, but your eyes are bulging and there's a little bruising."  Then, he said, "If you wake up in the morning and you have problems with your eyesight, I suggest you go to a doctor."  Well, the next morning I woke up and as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed my eyes were black and blue and read and there was no white.  And to top it off, I looked like the actor, Marty Feldman.  My eyes were bulging and sticking out.  I looked like a goldfish from hell.  I had bruising all around my face from the mask.  Well, after my mom freaked out, I decided to go out that night of course.  Remember, I was only about 16.  So I went out wearing some Ray Ban sunglasses.  You know, I was 16.  I wanted to meet some girls.  You know what it's like.  Anyway, every time I talked to a girl, she would say, "It's night.  What's with the sunglasses?"  I would take them off and of course they would run away.  I looked like the demon child from hell.  So, to summarize, the moral of the story is:  Don't panic.  Stay cool even if you look like a demon child from hell.

Forever hopeful.  Like my little black dog who sits under my wheelchair.  He's forever hopeful I'll try the hangersteak cooked medium rare in butter.  He's forever hopeful.  I'm forever hopeful.  When you have Traumatic Brain Injury, you have to be hopeful.  Remember, a few blogs ago I was hopeful to just walk over and get some water.  That's all.  Well, guess what!  I had my first glass of water the other day.  It only took me 3 years, but I did it.  Now, the next thing I'm working on is walking over there to get it.  I'm working on walking right now.  It's not easy, and it's a lot of work, but I have a new physical therapist who is really cool.  He's like a coach.  He keeps pushing me and it's what I need right now.  I'm using a device called an Up and Go.  It helps you learn how to walk.  It also helps me do exercises that will help me walk.  It's a really cool device.  Expensive, but cool.  I also ordered a power chair.  I keep calling it my electric chair, but I think that's something different.  Anyway, I'll use the power chair until I can walk.  I also am looking at a car that takes a power chair.  It's a cool car.  Just made for those in a wheelchair.

OK, now I'm going to make a couple more fashion confessions.  They are things I've always felt guilty about.  They are things that happened on fashion shoots.  Things I'm not proud of.

The first situation took place in the Bahamas.  I was working with a young girl.  She was great, but she was very new.  Anyway, I had to get a shot of a girl jumping off of a dock into the water.  The dock I chose was pretty high, but I said to the model, "The ladder's right there."  Anyway, the whole time I was talking to her she looked really nervous.  I just figured, you know, she was new, so she was a bit jittery.  Well, I backed up and said, "OK, now run and jump and act like you're having a great time."  She ran and she jumped and she went right to the bottom.  After a minute or so, I looked at my assistant and looked at the bottom, and said Holy Shit!  I threw everything down.  He did too, my assistant and we jumped in.  We swam to the bottom and brought her up and to the ladder.  I said, "Are you all right?"  She said, "I am now, thank you."  I said to her, "What happened?"  She said, "I can't swim."  I thought, my god, I've got to go back to flipping burgers.  This is crazy.  I said, "Why did you jump off?"  She said, "I just wanted to do a good job."  I felt bad.  We took the rest of the afternoon off.  P.S. The shot was great.

The other situation took place in Bermuda.  I used to love to do watershots.  You know, underwater, in the surf, in the rain, etc.  Well, anyway, I had to do a swimwear story.  There wasn't much to the location and I wanted to do something different so I looked around.  I noticed the waves were big that day, and they were crashing on the beach.  It was really cool, so I had the model stand in the impact zone.  I directed her to look relaxed as possible.  She was all into it.  The shots were working out great.  Then it happened.  A freak wave came.  I thought Oh my God.  A giant wave just hit her.  It knocked her down.  Her little string bikini which was a retro suit from the 70's exploded.  Her bottoms blew off and went to the left, and her top went to the right.  She went ass over tea kettle flying through the air.  She got washed up naked at my feet.  All I could do was look up to the sky and say thank you God.  There is a God after all.  Well, she was pissed.  The rest of the afternoon were all shots on the beach.  All the shots were wet, sandy, angry, sultry with an emphasis on angry.

That's it for now.  Remember when you're lying on your back for hours, it's good to remember things.  See you next week.  Love, B. Nice

Chapter 57 - July 3, 2012

When you have traumatic brain injury, and when you're doing your therapy, you'll have one thing to do.  Your job is to get better.  That's what my neurologist said.  My neurologist, she said, you have one thing to do.  You have a job and that's get better.  Some people go to work 9 to 5.  I go to work 9 to 5.  I do my therapy.  One part of therapy is avoid stress.  It's so important not to be stressed out.  I mentioned before in the previous chapter my child got sick.  I'll tell you.  There's nothing worse than seeing your child going through medical trauma.  I was in the same emergency room a month earlier.  I remember being there and lying in the bed like my child was.  I remembered how important it was to have someone hold your hand, and emphasize everything will be all right.  So I held her little hand and I would remind her that everything will work out all right.  And it did.

All right, now I'm going to go off on a tangent.  Let's tell a story.  Remember when you're lying in bed, and your sad, it's good to remember stories.  Anyway, here's a story from the past:

I was on a photoshoot where we had to recreate a party scene.  I had a lot of male models and a lot of female models.  We had a big white tent on the beach in Miami.  I told everyone just to talk and party like they normally would.  Anyway, I happened to be going out with one of the girls at the time so I booked her for the shoot.  It was kind of a working vacation.  Anyway, it was funny.  I looked over and one of the male models was working her.  I didn't say anything, but I directed him to keep talking to her.  It was a little uncomfortable but funny to watch.  He kept getting cheesier and cheesier.  I walked over to talk to them.  We were all talking and he said to her, "Do you have a boyfriend?"  and she said "Yeah." He said, "What does he do?"  She said, "He's a photographer."  And he said, "Where's he based?"  She said, "New York," and he said, "Where's he now?" and she pointed at me and said, "He's right there."  The guy looked like a deer in the headlights.  He said, "Oh man, you guys.  That's not cool."  Well, I started laughing but he had a slight nervous laughter.

Another story took place in Australia.  I was doing a commercial photography shoot.  We were all in my apartment in Bonda.  One girl was getting her hair done at the end of my table.  The other girl was getting her make up done at the other end of the table.  They both had their backs to each other.  Anyway, after a few cups of coffee, the hairdresser asked the model he was working on some questions.  You know, like, how you doing, where you living now? Are you still going out with your boyfriend?  That sort of thing.  He said, "How is your boyfriend anyway?" And she said, "Oh, I dumped his sorry ass a while ago," and the hairdresser said, "Really, what happened?"  She said, " I caught him fooling around with some bitch who came into town a little while ago.  Some sleezy model." And the guy said, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  Do you know who it was?" and she said, "Yup," and she pointed at the other girl.  The girl sitting across from her had a big smile on her face as she was getting her eyes done.  I thought, Oh, man, this is going to be a long day.  And I have to do doubles.  They were pretty professional about it all.  I was still nervous cause I lived on the eighth floor.

I'll talk to you next week everybody.  Love, B. Nice

Chapter 56 - June 29, 2012

A friend of mine is in the military.  Part of his training involved this.  He was put in a small black box, kind of like a coffin.  They played loud music.  He was also waterboarded on several occasions.  It's basically part of your training to see if you can put up with the stress that might be involved.  My life has been extremely stressful.  I feel like my friend in the black box.  You see, my daughter had an asthma attack.  It was pretty bad.  She had never had asthma before.  Anyway, we got her to the hospital and got her medical care just in time.  Luckily my aide is also a nurse.  It was good luck.  We probably saved her life.  It could have happened anytime, anywhere.  Anyway, I'm glad she's safe now.  I'm supposed to avoid stress, ha ha ha ha.  This is a pretty good test.  My friend said when he got in the black box the worst part about it was they never told him how long he would be in there.  That's how I feel right now.  How long will all of this go on.  Man, I need a vacation.

Remember I told you I'm painting with my father.  Well, we got some pieces framed and it looks great.  It's kind of almost modernist looking.  It looks like a piece you would find in a modernist show.  Very cool.  Hey, that reminds me of something.  I once lived in Paris.  I was dating a girl who was the granddaughter of a great artist.  A french impressionist.  Anyway, while we were dating we would go to the cafe, get seated with all the locals, have a coffee, talk politics, art, you know, Parissien stuff.  Anyway, we had a great time, but then one day we broke up.  I went up to the same cafe, the same waiter looked at me and put me up front with the tourists.  He served me an american coffee and over-charged me.  I'll never forget that.  Pretty funny though.

I'm pretty tired cause I just got back from the hospital.  I was seeing my daughter.  She's doing good.  I'm going to sign off now.  Here's some examples of some work I've been doing.  See you next week.  Love, B. Nice

 

P.S. I remember hearing this in a cafe in Paris.  It is said, with heavy french accent,  "Some people are more dangerous than a monkey with a box of razor blades."  Pretty funny.

P.P.S. And that's an insult to the monkey!

Chapter 55 - June 19, 2012

World's End.  I'm sitting here in my wheelchair looking at World's End.  It's a spot on the Hudson that they named.  It is the narrowest and deepest part of the Hudson.  World's End.  My parents house overlooks this spot.  I'm on the porch looking at it.  How apropos.  Sometimes I feel like my world, as I knew it, has come to an end and a new one is starting.  Remember when I said before, one door closes, another opens.  The only constant in life is change.  You have to adapt.  You see, my world has changed.  You look at it with a different point of view.  I try to be positive.  I'm here at home where I live with my parents.  I'm spending a lot of time with my parents.  Painting with my Dad.  Overlooking the cooking with my Mom.  It's cool.  A lot of fun, but I do miss my daughter.

When you have Traumatic Brain Injury it's really important to have friends and family visit you.  The other day my old track team and coach stopped by to say hi.  We sat around all morning just talking.  Then we had lunch.  At lunch we started talking again.  I had to stop the conversation.  I said, "Whoa, whoa, back up.  We used to sit around and talk about girls.  Now we talk about our ailments and poop.  Man, we are getting old.  Let's talk about girls.  I don't think I have the energy."

Let's lighten things up and talk about an action adventure story.  It happened when I was young.  I was with my family flying from Brussels to New York City.  We were on a 747 fully loaded.  Halfway down the runway, on takeoff, we had a bird strike on engine #2 (bad timing).  Anyway, the pilot was amazing.  We barely got off the ground, and with a series of dips and turns, with the engines revving, he managed to bring the plane around for landing.  But before we landed, a guy sitting next to engine #2 started screaming.  He freaked everyone out.  They all started screaming.  Next thing you know, the flight attendants are telling us to take the emergency position.  You know, put your arms on your legs, put your head down, brace yourself for impact.  I remember my father saying I love you, don't worry, it will be quick.  I thought, what the hell is he talking about?  What's going on?  I was only 11.  Anyway, we landed safely, took the emergency exits off the plane which smelled like fuel because the pilot had to drop all the fuel before landing.  We went back to the departure lounge and reluctantly waited for the next flight home.  Well, it wasn't my time to go.  Just luck.  I guess you would call that good luck.

Chapter 54 - June 13, 2012

Hi everybody, sometimes we're our own worst critic.  I keep hearing over and 
over and over again Brian don't be so hard on yourself. I have to be patient. 
Last week I saw my new neurologist that specializes in seizure.  I've picked a 
neurologist that's closers to home. The best news I got out of the meeting was she 
said I could drink regular coffee and have chocolate now and then.  Other than 
that, it was pretty much the same thing.  She wants me to do a blood test to check 
my medicine levels.  She didn't change anything.  If anything, I'm on the minimum

amount of anti seizure medicine.  

I wanted to include an email I got from a friend.  He's a cinematographer who 
went with me to Greenland.  Pace Editions sponsored a father son trip to 
Greenland. My father and I did the trip together.  He painted the icebergs and I 
photographed them. It was a great thing to do. We had a show of the work after 
we came back.  I'm going to include the special video portrait of what was shot there.

First,  Here's his email:

Brian, I printed out your entire blog and read it all at once
 yesterday, it was a really amazing experience.  Various themes stand 
out more clearly when you read that many posts all together, such as 
Water, Patience, Calmness.  

It made me remember some things from Greenland through that prism:

Just
 the blue, the neon blue of those icebergs on that first overcast 
afternoon.  Floating, drifting along and all we had to do was breath the air
 and paint and photograph and film.  It was so quiet and calm, awe 
inspiring and peaceful like I'd never 
felt before.  I think of that whenever I need a moment of clarity.

The water dripping off the melting ice, running down the side of a giant berg 
as we held out a flask to catch it and brew up some coffee.  I mean, 
come on, Iceberg Coffee?!  Unbelievable.  

Stopping randomly because Don just had to paint the view of Ilulissat 
and you telling me that this is how it always was, even when you were 
growing up.  You'd travel around Europe and as an antsy little kid you would 
have to sit there patiently while he whipped out his watercolor sketch 
book and threw down another masterpiece of whatever happened to strike 
his fancy.  

I loved seeing the cartoon you posted, it reminded me of the ones 
you did during that trip, I have such a vivid memory of them even though I 
haven't seen them since.  If you could post them someday that would make
 me the happiest kid in the city. 

Best 
Adam Hall

The email summarizes the trip. It makes me realize how much fun I had with my 
father. It all went by so quick. 

I'm going to make this a short one, but tell a quick story. I'm going to go off on 
a tangent here.

I was living in Australia off Manly beach. I had a big dinner party. I got 
really drunk (how unusual) anyway I promised all my friends I would give a big 
Thanksgiving dinner. When I woke up the next morning (with a big hangover) my wife 
at the time reminded me I promised to cook a big Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, I tried to keep to my promise and I did the Thanksgiving dinner.  My first 
step was to get a big turkey. Not easy to do in Australia. Never even thought 
about it. I couldn't find one anywhere. A friend finally suggested I call the 
American Embassy for advice.  They said "No way mate. We over ordered some 
turkeys. You can have one of ours. Go ahead and pick it up at the butcher." So I 
did. I went to their butcher and picked up the turkey.  It was huge, I asked the 
guy, "Are you sure that's not an emu?" I'd never seen such a big bird in my life. It 
hardly fit in my car. Then I got home and looked at my oven, and then at the 
bird, and then the oven.  I thought it's never going to fit. I took out almost all 
of the racks, put the bird in.  The door wouldn't close, so I got the tinfoil and 
bridged the gap.  It took 2 rolls of big tinfoil to bridge the gap.  The door 
was more than half open.  Well I cooked that bird for about 14 hours. I think we 
drank a case of wine waiting for it to be done.  By 3 am the bird was finished.  We 
were too.  We could have eaten the couch and it would have tasted fantastic.  
We were ripped but we had a great Thanksgiving.  By the way, the bird tasted 
real good, but I'm pretty sure it was an emu. 

I was awoken by a noise about 4:30 am.  There was something in the trash 
trying to get the turkey carcass I think.  I was inches from the window looking down 
trying to see what was in the garbage.  I had a funny feeling.  I looked up and 
about 2 inches from my face was another face. It was looking at me. It had its 
hands on the window it scared the hell out of me.  I screamed raised my hands 
up, it did the same thing. It screamed and raised its hands. It fell out of the 
tree, I fell on my bed.  It turned out to be a tree kangaroo.  It wasn't hurt. It 
helped its friend grab something from the trash and ran into the woods. I 
checked my shorts.

Please watch the video by Michelle Icahn and let me know what you think.  Love, B. Nice

Chapter 53 - June 7, 2012

I feel I have to get this off my chest. Some things happen on photo shoots that I feel badly about.  Okay, here is some of my dirty laundry.

 

A.  One time I booked a famous model for a photo shoot.  She needed some swimwear shots for her book.  I said no problem I'll book you on my next swimwear shoot.  I never told her where it was.  It was in Palau - half way around the world.  It took two days to get there and six airplanes.  That's the least I of what I did back then.  Anyway, I went to pick her up at the hotel and she answered her door, she said to me "Where the fuck am I?" It was a good shoot anyhow, but she forgot to tell me she doesn't swim...

 

B.  We put a girl on an iceberg...the iceberg could have flipped.  However, we backed away and got the shot.

 

C.  I was in Paris, I met my friend for a drink in a famous hotel.  Then my wife at that time showed up and we had more drinks.  The bill got pretty high.  When the waiter came over, I asked for the bill.  He gave me the bill, it was out of sight and I was without my key at the time. The waiter said would you like me to charge it to.......(a well known magazine)?  Of course, I said, charge it to them.  I still feel a little guilty.

 

D.  I booked a helicopter.  We were supposed to go home by boat.  We were on Heron Island off Australia.  The editor came running out as I was about to take off.  She said, "Who's paying for this?" I screamed, "You are!" and I shut the door and took off.

Chapter 52 - June 6, 2012

Boy I sure could use those temple girls right now. You see you get a little depressed sometimes. Peaks and valleys. I'll get out of this funk soon, but sometimes you get a little sad. It's times like this you really need your family and friends around.

Last weekend my little one came to visit me. That was a great weekend. This weekend, some of my track friends from the past will come and visit. I'm really looking forward to it. I remember those times and the always make me really happy.  "B. Nice, you're a head case."  That's what my coach used to say. I was in the NCAA championships in Chicago.

It was the men's 1500 meter race. I ran a really good time to get there. As I was walking to the startling line my heart was in my throat. I was so nervous. We all lined up, the gun went off, and being the young idiot I was, I took the lead (I usually ran from the back). I ran 2 and 1/2 laps leading the race. I was doing good. Over the loud speaker I could hear them say "It's Brian Nice taking the lead in the 1500 meter race."  I was pumped up. Then all of a sudden every single bear known to mankind jumped on my back.  That was it.  I shot load

(locker room talk for "I used up all my energy").  My whole body seized up and when it happened, they all started passing me one by one.  Then I heard over the loud speaker "It's Brian Nice coming in last in the men's 1500 meter."  The only words I heard after the announcement were from my coach at the finish line. He just looked at me and shook his head and said, "B. Nice, you're a head case."  Maybe he was right. Yeah, he was right.

Anyway, I get sad and I think of times like that, times that get my mind off of what I'm going through.

I remember when I was at the hospital, there was an old man who used to just sit there and look out the window. He was there all the time. He would always talk in these native languages and it was beautiful.  Almost like poetry. I finally asked him what he was saying. It turns out, he was a sugar king farmer from South America.  He was praying in his native language.  And every once in a while he would speak in English and say words like, "From the valley of my heart," and "Your long blond hair."  "I like to watch you play in the long grass," and once in a while he'd say, "My son."  It was funny. He always thought I was his son and he just wanted to hold hands. So I would hold his hand and look out the window with him. Hey, it's better than tv.

But like I said, I'm home now. This is the third time I've had to adjust from the hospital to home living. It s not easy. You definitely need to have an aid. I keep doing my therapy and I go to out patient therapy every day.

Here is an example of what I used to draw.
  

That's all for now. I'll talk to you guys next week.
Love, B Nice

P.S.  Hey Chris!  It was funny when Julie was saying you contacted.  I had a dream about you me and Rob in a 4 wheel drive in a sand pit.  We couldn't get out. Weird, but kind of a metaphor for how I feel right now, except, I don't drink anymore.  Not right now at least.

P.P.S.  This is probably kind of morbid and not a great way to end a blog but I'm gonna do

it anyway.  You see, out of the many hospitals I went to, I saw a lot of people die and a lot

of them we're younger than me.  I'd be chatting with them one night and the next morning

they'd be dead.  It got me thinking, is that it?  Time goes by so fast.  Life is so short. 
Make sure you do what you love to do.  See ya next week. B. Nice